Facing Life's Challenges
Unlike past years, I haven't really written a new year resolution for myself yet. Usually, I feel exceptionally lonely and depressed during Christmas, New Year and the start of the year. I reflect on what I have done in the past year, and at times feel that I have done too little. Actually, some might say that I am too hard on myself that I have tried my best to do the most I could in the past year. But still, I feel a part of me missing. Just as that was happening, I looked for an asylum. A place that I could belong. But I seeked for it and I could not find it. At times, I feel I totally cannot fit in into crowds, groups, friends, relatives etc. I felt left out. I felt that I was so different from others that I do not feel warmth from them. As much as I would like to feel that I belong in a group, I also felt that I should not deviate too much from my true character while seeking that friendship that I need.
I have always felt that it is important to live life without any regrets. My dad talks about his regrets in life all the time, similar to the behaviour that my mom has. That is the reason, I always tried to do things without thinking that I will regret this or that. That is why I always worked very hard and became very competitive. But inherently, it is not because I just wish to 'win others' to feel happy, it is because I feel that I do not wish to regret that I did not do well enough.
For my friends who truly accept me as I am, they know my strengths and weaknesses. Unlike the smiley and friendly front that I show to many, I am actually weak and emotional inside. I feel hurt quite easily and keep quite a lot of these feelings in my heart. That is why sometimes I plunge into certain periods that I could not help but just feel depressed and unwanted.
Oh...why am I blogging about all these? It is ridiculous, close to none read my blog anyways since I havent been updating it often enough. But anyways, I think I just want an outlet for myself. I want to be able to clearly state how I feel now and go one with life. I mentioned to friends before, actually if you really want to set a resolution, you need not wait till the new year to set a resolution, you can set it anytime.
So, there I am, to set resolutions for myself, in order of importance:
1) Work towards passing CFA Level II by June 2006
2) Master the skill of translating English to Chinese
3) Travel to China and Australia (save to travel)
4) Continue to find time to learn Salsa
5) Learn to drive by December 2006
6) Learn to dive by January 2007
7) Find another thing that I am interested in and do that thing
8) Have baby by end 2007???
That is it! From today onwards, I am not going to think about what I haven't done last year. I will promise myself that I think forward: What should I do going forward? I will leave all unhappiness behind me and look forward from now on. I will not build a mountain out of a molehill over things that are truly not important to me. These are the resolutions and promises that I am making to myself.
I have always felt that it is important to live life without any regrets. My dad talks about his regrets in life all the time, similar to the behaviour that my mom has. That is the reason, I always tried to do things without thinking that I will regret this or that. That is why I always worked very hard and became very competitive. But inherently, it is not because I just wish to 'win others' to feel happy, it is because I feel that I do not wish to regret that I did not do well enough.
For my friends who truly accept me as I am, they know my strengths and weaknesses. Unlike the smiley and friendly front that I show to many, I am actually weak and emotional inside. I feel hurt quite easily and keep quite a lot of these feelings in my heart. That is why sometimes I plunge into certain periods that I could not help but just feel depressed and unwanted.
Oh...why am I blogging about all these? It is ridiculous, close to none read my blog anyways since I havent been updating it often enough. But anyways, I think I just want an outlet for myself. I want to be able to clearly state how I feel now and go one with life. I mentioned to friends before, actually if you really want to set a resolution, you need not wait till the new year to set a resolution, you can set it anytime.
So, there I am, to set resolutions for myself, in order of importance:
1) Work towards passing CFA Level II by June 2006
2) Master the skill of translating English to Chinese
3) Travel to China and Australia (save to travel)
4) Continue to find time to learn Salsa
5) Learn to drive by December 2006
6) Learn to dive by January 2007
7) Find another thing that I am interested in and do that thing
8) Have baby by end 2007???
That is it! From today onwards, I am not going to think about what I haven't done last year. I will promise myself that I think forward: What should I do going forward? I will leave all unhappiness behind me and look forward from now on. I will not build a mountain out of a molehill over things that are truly not important to me. These are the resolutions and promises that I am making to myself.
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